70 Funny Vancouver Jokes and One-Liners

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  1. Vancouver: where the rain stops just long enough for you to appreciate how wet you are.
  2. In Vancouver, the forecast isn’t “rain or shine,” it’s “rain or drizzle.”
  3. I told my umbrella we’d have a long-distance relationship—it followed me to Vancouver.
  4. Vancouver: where yoga pants are formal wear and kale is its own food group.
  5. The only thing more consistent than Vancouver’s rain is the property prices going up.
  6. In Vancouver, you don’t tan—you moss.
  7. Vancouverites don’t need Tinder; they just “accidentally” bump into people at Whole Foods.
  8. I tried sunbathing in Vancouver. Turns out you just get rained on lying down.
  9. Vancouver drivers don’t use turn signals because they’re too busy using both hands to hold their organic smoothies.
  10. They say Vancouver’s expensive, but at least the views are free—unless you live in them.
  11. Vancouver: the only city where you can snowboard and sunburn on the same day.
  12. Every Vancouverite has two favorite seasons: winter and still winter.
  13. The Vancouver Canucks should just play in ponchos—it fits the city vibe.
  14. Vancouver is so green, even the traffic lights don’t want to turn red.
  15. I tried to save for a house in Vancouver, but then I bought a latte.
  16. Vancouver: where your mood changes with the weather, so it’s always “meh.”
  17. People in Vancouver say they love hiking, but half of them just go for the Instagram post.
  18. The rain in Vancouver isn’t bad—it’s the therapy bill from all the grey skies.
  19. Vancouverites are so chill because they’ve already accepted that their hair will never be dry.
  20. In Vancouver, the only thing wetter than the rain is your kombucha.
  21. How do you know someone’s from Vancouver? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you—right after their yoga class.
  22. Vancouver doesn’t get cold enough to freeze your pipes, just your dreams of affording a house.
  23. Why did the Vancouverite bring an umbrella to the sunniest day of the year? Muscle memory.
  24. Vancouver’s rental market is like the rain: endless and depressing.
  25. In Vancouver, you don’t need to pay for a spa day—just step outside for the mist treatment.
  26. They say everyone in Vancouver hikes. Some people just hike up their rent.
  27. Vancouver: where you’re either biking to work or working to afford a bike.
  28. The rain in Vancouver is so consistent, even the ducks are getting bored.
  29. In Vancouver, the dress code is layers. Lots and lots of layers.
  30. You know you’re in Vancouver when even your umbrella has an umbrella.
  31. Vancouver real estate is like a UFO: expensive, hard to find, and no one believes it exists.
  32. Vancouverites don’t do small talk—they do weather updates.
  33. Why do Vancouverites always carry coffee? It doubles as a hand warmer.
  34. If Vancouver was a beverage, it’d be a lukewarm latte: overpriced and damp.
  35. Vancouver is so environmentally friendly, even its clouds recycle their rain.
  36. In Vancouver, “going out” means standing under an awning with your coffee.
  37. The only way to afford a house in Vancouver is to win the lottery… twice.
  38. Vancouver: where the coffee shops outnumber the people.
  39. Vancouverites don’t get bored—they just stare at the mountains for hours.
  40. In Vancouver, “sun” is a rumor and “rain” is a promise.
  41. Why did the Vancouverite cross the road? To get to the yoga studio.
  42. They say you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy sushi in Vancouver, and that’s close enough.
  43. Vancouver’s weather is like its real estate: unpredictable and slightly depressing.
  44. Every Vancouver dog walker is just one drizzle away from becoming a water sport enthusiast.
  45. Why did the bike complain in Vancouver? Too many hills, not enough sunshine.
  46. Vancouver is so chill, even the seagulls are passive-aggressive.
  47. People in Vancouver don’t date—they just “bump into each other” at farmers’ markets.
  48. The Vancouver motto: “Rain, rinse, repeat.”
  49. In Vancouver, the sun is like Bigfoot—everyone’s heard of it, but no one’s seen it.
  50. Vancouverites are basically ducks—waterproof and slightly irritable.
  51. Every Vancouver selfie comes with a side of fog.
  52. Vancouver: the only city where people complain about a “dry spell” during summer.
  53. If you’re in Vancouver and can’t find a coffee shop, you’re probably in someone’s living room.
  54. Vancouver’s dating pool is like its weather: cloudy with a chance of disappointment.
  55. Vancouverites don’t sweat; they just absorb rainwater.
  56. Why do people in Vancouver love the rain? It’s free car washes for their electric vehicles.
  57. Vancouver: where even the raccoons have a yoga mat.
  58. How do you know someone lives in Vancouver? They have more umbrellas than friends.
  59. In Vancouver, you don’t need a weatherman—just stick your head out the window.
  60. Vancouverites never get sunburned; they just rust.
  61. Why do Vancouverites love the mountains? They’re the only thing that doesn’t charge admission.
  62. Vancouver is so laid-back, even the geese walk instead of flying.
  63. In Vancouver, the four food groups are coffee, kale, sushi, and craft beer.
  64. Vancouverites don’t age; they just wrinkle from all the rain.
  65. The rain in Vancouver is like a slow internet connection—constant and annoying.
  66. Vancouver’s official flower is mold.
  67. Why did the Vancouverite carry sunscreen in November? Just in case.
  68. In Vancouver, “going green” means both saving the planet and envying your landlord’s bank account.
  69. Vancouverites don’t jog; they “puddle jump.”
  70. Vancouver’s weather is so moody, it should start a podcast.

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